on paying it forward

“A candle throws its light into the darkness,
In a nasty world, so shines the good deed.
Make sure the fortune, that you seek
Is the fortune that you need.

So tell me why, the first to ask,
Is the last to give, every time?
What you say and do not mean,
Follows you close behind.”

– Ben Harper, Diamonds on the Inside

There are generally two classes of individuals; the givers and the takers. I do not know where I personally know where I stand. As someone who often self-deprecates, I automatically think that I am a taker, even if I don’t always indulge in selfish tendencies. When it comes to people and things that I love, such as my animals, store, friends, and family members, even at the library where I work, I know that I am a giver to a fault. Yet, because I am a human being and am biologically wired to self-preserve, isn’t it second nature to want to be a taker and put ourselves first? These are the dilemmas and dichotomies that I often consider in my journey to be a more humble and giving human being.

Last week Geoffrey and I went to see The Fight Club in the theatres. The movies theatres in our city frequently play classic films that they turn into a one-night event. When they do, we try to go. I’ve blogged about it here, here, and here. On the night that we went, there was something different in the air. When we showed up, the theatre doors were locked even though there was a film playing at that very moment. A crowd of us gathered outside, confused, but laughing and trying to figure out a way to get in since the next movie was playing in 30 minutes. One of us finally did, and suddenly, 10 or so strangers quickly became acquainted as we waited inside and in line for tickets. I’m not too sure as to what happened next, but for some reason, the first person paid for the next movie-goer in line. That person then paid for the next, and so on, until it came to us. My first thought was, ‘woo-hoo! Free ticket!’ but that would have defeated the purpose of this random act of generosity. Before I could do anything, Geoffrey asked for two tickets. One was for himself, and the other, for the person behind us since mine was free. I’m not sure if this continued down the line to when the last person didn’t have to pay for their ticket, but I certainly hope that it did. For this kindness to happen at a movie like The Fight Club, I thought that it was both fitting and contradictory given that the film centres on acts of community (albeit destructive ones).

I haven’t come across many instances of paying it forward. However, when I do, they stick with me for a long time. When they do occur, I am usually in line at a coffee shop and someone either pays for my order, or hands me something free with my order (a napkin rose, for instance). I am always caught off guard, but my day is instantly made better. One such instance was when I was a  broke student and in university. The girl in front of me paid for my coffee and told the staff to give me her business card that she had left behind. I was so grateful and didn’t get a chance to thank her. Yet, I think that’s what makes it more special for the giver. The fact that they do it out of the goodness of their hearts and are not looking for any acknowledgement. Still, I kept the card for a long time since I had always meant to email her and thank her for being so kind. Inevitably, the busy, forgetful, and somewhat selfish student in me never did. Even though it was many years ago, I still think about it and regret not contacting her to show her my appreciation.

The morning after we went to the theatres, I visited a coffee shop for some much needed caffeine. I was on my way to my store, and rather than joining the drive-thru queue at the back of the line, I had to cut through the alley and pull up at a point that forces you to join halfway through the line, cutting everyone else off. I personally hate when people sneak in this way, and try to avoid it at all costs. This morning, because of traffic, I couldn’t avoid it at all. I held back and tried letting everyone else go ahead of me in order to  wait for a spot at the back of the line, but I was holding up traffic in the alley and the drivers behind me were getting impatient. Suddenly, someone in the drive-thru generously waived me through and let me go in front of them, taking me to the front of the line. Embarrassed but thankful, I went ahead. Still on a giving high from the night before, and remembering the time that a stranger paid for my coffee and left her card, I thought, ‘now’s my chance to pay it forward.’ I pulled ahead, paid for my order and the individual’s behind me, and told the staff to hand them my business card. I never received an email thanking me, but in reality, I am glad.

IMG_1288Maybe the issue of being a giver or a taker isn’t so black and white after all.

<3

Emory

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6 Comments

  1. I love everything about this post…
    …The poetry at the beginning
    …The way I couldn’t tell if you were a giver or a taker or both until the end.
    We all have to be both givers and takers.
    A few years ago I had a conversation with a friend who likes to give because he likes how he feels when he gives, but he always refused when people wanted to give him. I pointed out to him that he was denying others the pleasure of that feeling because he wouldn’t allow them to give him.
    The world really is a better place to live when we all just perform acts of kindness to others. It can be as simple as a little notecard to let someone know they are being thought of.
    I hope you find that business card and send your coffee-buyer a belated email. It’s never too late to say thanks 😀 sometimes delays are for a reason and she might love to know that a long time ago, she impacted your life in such a lasting way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s true that we have to be both, and it’s a struggle at times to do so. But that’s what makes us human. We’re here to learn and to serve others.

      Beautiful comment. Please come back often and keep relaying your words of wisdom!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post Emory. Since you brought up the theme of giving, I thought I’d mention March is Kidney Health Month, so please sign your organ and tissue donor cards and let your family know about your decisions to donate your organs when you pass. You can never give a better gift than life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Bridget. This is such a wonderful comment, and much more important than paying for someone’s coffee. It’s life-changing and giving.

      I loved your own post on Kidney Health Month. Well done.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is such a nice post. I love that everyone paid for each other at the theatre. I’m not a coffee drinker so I’ve never seen or been part of paying for each other but it’s such a nice idea. The world needs more of this. Thanks for sharing :)

    Liked by 1 person

  • Hello, friends. My name is Emory. I live on the Canadian prairies with my husband, daughter, and animals. Welcome!
    helloscarlettblog@outlook.com

  • Thank goodness for breastfeeding. My darling caught her first flu yesterday. I tried giving her bland foods and drinks all day- she wouldn't touch them. Then I tried her favourites- still nothing. Instead, all she wanted to do was nurse round the clock. That is how we spent the majority of the day- nursing, bathing, cuddling, barfing, repeating.
My goal was to breastfeed Remy until she was 18 months old. After that I had no plans. As she is nearing month 19 earthside, I've discovered that she has no intention of stopping. 
On the rare occasions when she's sick, I'm reminded of why we have kept it up for this long, and why we keep on going. I'm almost certain that she would've become dehydrated yesterday if it wasn't for me nursing her. So although fed is best, the breast is truly a gift. My little lovebug doesn't always want me for naps lately, but when she does, it makes me feel warm, loved, and needed. Also, look at her hand tucked inside of my shirt. I'm melting.
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