a prairie pregnancy (and letting go)

Everyone goes through ups and downs in life. That is a fact. Before I became pregnant for the third time, I had gone through almost a year of lows. My contracted job abruptly ended, for a time we weren’t able to afford our bills, my husband moved away for 5 months, I stopped breastfeeding Remy and she became sick with multiple ailments, I suffered from depression, and I experienced a miscarriage, alone, at Christmas. Yet, I tried so hard not to complain to anyone. How I coped was through my tears. I would just cry and cry. At the time, I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. We’ve all got them. I knew that eventually, every negative thing would pass. I hoped that it would get better, and after a difficult year it did.

Since April of 2018, I have not felt depressed. We have beautiful weather, we have new life joining us, we are settled in our home, my husband is here and is working a great career, and more. I am thankful to have gone through so many recent lows in order to fully appreciate where we are at this moment. I’m not saying that it will last, but for now, we are rejoicing.

That said, a part of me feels a loss. I look at my child and my growing belly and it saddens me how I don’t have a closer relationship with certain family members (ie. my own parents). As I get older, these relationships only seem to worsen.

Yet, I am constantly grounded by this life growing inside of me. To feel its kicks every time I eat a meal or lay in bed, and know that it’s there every second of the day from this roaring heartburn. I feel as if it’s time to stop putting so much worry into what I can’t fix at this very moment, and to really concentrate on those who are present in my life. I do have hope that one day, these relationships will improve. Only time will tell.

So thank you to my friends and family who are there. Thank you baby for this renewal. I promise to be the best mother to you. Always.

Emory

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  • Welcome, friends! My name is Emory. I am a wife and mother to three (one on earth, one in heaven, and growing another). This is our life on the Canadian prairies.
    email: helloscarlettblog@outlook.com

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