30 versus 30

As I am settling into my third trimester, I am starting to reflect on my journey into motherhood. I am constantly comparing this pregnancy to my first. I was incredibly ill during my first pregnancy. I lost weight from vomiting more than 10 times per day between weeks 4 and 14. I began to feel better from 18 to about 28 weeks, and resumed a normal schedule. Then I was put on modified bed rest from 31 to 38 weeks due to contractions, dilation, and effacement. I swore that it would be my last pregnancy, only because I felt betrayed by my body at the time. Little did I know how much love and happiness children really do bring into your life. A few days after giving birth, I told my husband that I wanted 3 children, and immediately put that terrible pregnancy out of my mind.

Reflecting on previous blog posts, I really had no idea on what to expect. I bought so many items that I didn’t need, and was lacking on the essentials that I did end up needing. I knew that sleepless nights were ahead of me, but I didn’t realize the extent of that sleeplessness. Also, the sleep regressions that occur every few months during their first year. Those are so difficult! I was terrified of breastfeeding but definitely wanted to try it. That was the one thing that came so naturally to me, and we were able to successfully breastfeed for 19 months. (I hope to go longer with this baby.)

I was able to look back at the last maternity photos that I posted during Remy’s pregnancy. I said that I was 7.5 months at the time, but I think that I was a bit closer to 7 months. I still had that same dress tucked away, so I thought that it would be fun to recreate that session to the best of my ability.

I had this session outdoors, among the trees, in the same dress, with a similar floral crown, 2.5 years apart. My stomach is lower, my face is rounder, and I’m carrying more weight. This is me, at roughly 30 weeks (a little before) versus 30 weeks (a little after).

In the end, the fear, the love, the guilt, the ups, the downs, the everything. I didn’t expect any of it. Motherhood is messy and yet, so beautiful. My life truly began when I had Remy. I cannot wait for our rainbow baby!

Emory

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a prairie pregnancy (and letting go)

Everyone goes through ups and downs in life. That is a fact. Before I became pregnant for the third time, I had gone through almost a year of lows. My contracted job abruptly ended, for a time we weren’t able to afford our bills, my husband moved away for 5 months, I stopped breastfeeding Remy and she became sick with multiple ailments, I suffered from depression, and I experienced a miscarriage, alone, at Christmas. Yet, I tried so hard not to complain to anyone. How I coped was through my tears. I would just cry and cry. At the time, I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems. We’ve all got them. I knew that eventually, every negative thing would pass. I hoped that it would get better, and after a difficult year it did.

Since April of 2018, I have not felt depressed. We have beautiful weather, we have new life joining us, we are settled in our home, my husband is here and is working a great career, and more. I am thankful to have gone through so many recent lows in order to fully appreciate where we are at this moment. I’m not saying that it will last, but for now, we are rejoicing.

That said, a part of me feels a loss. I look at my child and my growing belly and it saddens me how I don’t have a closer relationship with certain family members (ie. my own parents). As I get older, these relationships only seem to worsen.

Yet, I am constantly grounded by this life growing inside of me. To feel its kicks every time I eat a meal or lay in bed, and know that it’s there every second of the day from this roaring heartburn. I feel as if it’s time to stop putting so much worry into what I can’t fix at this very moment, and to really concentrate on those who are present in my life. I do have hope that one day, these relationships will improve. Only time will tell.

So thank you to my friends and family who are there. Thank you baby for this renewal. I promise to be the best mother to you. Always.

Emory

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a slow return to photography

A few weeks ago, I had my first photography session of 2018. 

I picked up photography last year after my nearly decade-long contract job at the university came to an end. At the time, we needed an extra income, but I was hesitant to put Remy into daycare. Photography was a great way to turn my passion into a temporary profession, and to work from home.

When I was miscarrying our second baby, I stepped back from photography in order to grieve. Geoffrey had switched careers at that point, so we were no longer in need of another income. Recently, quite a few of my previous clients have reached out to me in hopes that I might capture them again on camera. After explaining that I no longer did photography (and feeling so guilty about it), I decided to just start doing it again. That is, until baby number three arrives.

Here is one of those sessions of some returning clients, this time with their parents! You can take a look back at their first session here.

Emory

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sweet remy in the prairie grass (and other outtakes)

Hello, friends! Welcome back. I hope that you all enjoyed celebrating Canada Day and Independence Day this year. :-)))

Today I wanted to share a few extra photos from my first maternity session at Cranberry Flats. These are some that I didn’t include in the original post, but still wanted to share with the world. They are more truer to how the morning went- Remy walking away on her own, us pushing the stroller with Truman attached, a certain toddler not wanting to be in any family pictures, and constant water breaks.

It was 30°C that morning, and we were all sweaty and tired by the end of it. Hitting the timer and running back into the frame on rough terrain was no joke! But it was oh, so fun. It is still one of my favourite personal sessions to date!

Enjoy this short work week! See you in a few days.

Emory

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eighth anniversary

Today is our 8th wedding anniversary! 

I truly can’t believe that eight years have gone by. I still feel like those young kids who eloped after dating for less than a year. We had a condo and two vehicles to our name, but neither the life smarts nor careers that we really needed.

I’m not sure if we’re much smarter, and Geoffrey is the only one with a career, but I’m happy with the way that things have turned out. Our lives centre around our child(ren), and we spend every free minute with one another. We have our ups and downs, but still love each other and each other’s company above anyone else. 

This is life, our married life. I love you Geo.

Em

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  • Welcome, friends! My name is Emory. I am a wife and mother to three (one on earth, one in heaven, and growing another). This is our life on the Canadian prairies.
    email: helloscarlettblog@outlook.com

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