All posts tagged miscarriage

one year old!

This week has been one of deep reflection for me. On Friday November 15, our Wild One will be one year old! This has been one of the fastest and happiest years of my life.

Geoffrey and I had always planned on naming our son Wilder, even years before I became pregnant for the first time. In 2016 came Remy, then our second baby Rowen who I lost in 2017, and finally, Wilder in 2018.

Wilder was and is our rainbow baby. He brought us great hope when we felt lost and sad.

He has been the sweetest, loveliest, and most easy-going baby from the start. I remember being pregnant and at the end of each day I would jump up and down and shake my belly in order to get some type of movement. He was just always so content in there and hardly ever moved around. The only thing that he would seem to move for was the sound of Remy’s voice. He would start dancing whenever she was being particularly loud! I was therefore certain that they would have a strong bond once he was born. That has definitely been the case! These two are as tight as can be.

Because he was so calm in my uterus, I questioned whether or not we should name him Wilder (if he turned out to be a boy) almost the entire time that I was pregnant. That is, until he was born. It was such a wild birth that everyone who met him afterwards said that he had already lived up to his name. After that, I never doubted our choice again.

Wilder is sweet and calm but with an adventurous side. He loves climbing and isn’t afraid to explore any furniture or object that stands in his way. He loves everyone and enjoys waving to and playing peekaboo with strangers. He can out-wave anyone!

He babbles constantly, says a few words, crawls, stands unassisted (!!), walks by only holding onto one of our hands and by pushing anything that moves across the house, loves to people watch, is sensitive, is a pretty good sleeper, still breastfeeds, and still has no teeth! I don’t know what will come first at this point- walking or teeth. He’s pretty close to both, I think.

Anytime I feel sad about him getting older I have to remember that it is a good thing. He is happy, healthy, and thriving. It is only natural that he will keep growing! This is also such a special time in my life- being pregnant and having children. I almost feel like my life is a fairy-tale. Once this phase is over, I will never again get to experience anything even remotely similar. Thus I am trying to soak in every moment that is humanly possible!

I am writing this post on November 10, 2019. On this exact date in 2017, when my niece was getting baptized, I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. While this time of year is one for rejoicing, I can’t help but feel a bit of sadness around our baby that I never came to know or hold. Remembrance Day alone is one for sombreness and reflection, and I will certainly be doing a lot of that during this week- for many reasons. We are blessed to live where we do and lead the life that we have. Sadness aside, I am truly thankful as well.

I wanted to include a prayer for Remembrance Day that was in our church bulletin:

Loving God,
Have mercy on your people,
And open our hearts to peace and love.
Reward all who have died for the country,
And grant that Canada
And all nations
May continue to work
For peace and justice.
Bless us in your service,
And help us to follow Jesus Christ,
Who is our Saviour and our Lord
Forever and ever.
Amen

If you are still reading this, thank you for joining me in my pregnancy journey and Wilder’s first year of his life! Also, for following me through all these trains of thought, trips down memory lane, and emotions. Here are a few pictures that I wanted to include because I have never shared them on my blog (or social media). Gosh, how my darling son has grown.

We will be celebrating Wilder this Saturday with the few family members that love him and have been in his life since the beginning.

Have a lovely lovely lovely week, everyone!

Emory

Hello, Followers:
Blog // Instagram // Pinterest // Twitter

by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 11/11/2019  •  Permalink
Posted in baby, Photography
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 11/11/2019

https://helloscarlettblog.com/2019/11/11/one-year-old/

what i bought baby

Hi friends! I cannot believe that I am publishing a post about what I have bought (or am intending to buy) our baby-to-be. It seems like ages ago that I created posts such as these. And it was! Sort of. Three years ago, to be more precise. I was pregnant for the first time with Remy, and was trying to navigate my way through becoming a first-time parent. I was so lost as to what to buy. This time around, I certainly feel more confident in what to get him/her. Let’s begin!

1. Milo’s Corner Rabbit Blanket

It sounds silly to admit this, but I didn’t know the power of swaddling babies until having one. I thought that they would like to feel free and move around in their sleep, just like adults. I actually thought that swaddling was almost a form of punishment! I knew nothing, apparently.

One thing that I did not have enough of with Remy was muslin blankets. I think that we only bought three, all of which were used heavily! With this baby, I’m going to ensure that we have more than our fair share just so that he/she will always be able to be wrapped up nice and snug.

2. Gerber Onesies in White

Onesies onesies onesies. Give me all the onesies. This seems like such an obvious thing to have, but we did not buy enough onesies, nor any in a Newborn size. My sister usually has big babies that she dresses in sleepers for basically the first year of their lives. I didn’t know if we preferred sleepers or onesies, so I chose to copy what she preferred. With 6 children, I considered her an expert! I also only bought 0-3 month size. It turns out that I make small babies, and I dislike sleepers. We ended up having to do many extra shopping trips just so we would have Newborn clothes to fit our newborn. This time, we won’t make the same mistake.

3. Solly Baby Wrap in Camel

Having my own wrap this time around is a must! When I was pregnant with Remy, I had it in my mind that only crunchy mamas wore their babies in a wrap. Utterly defiant, we purchased a front carrier instead. It looked like a small backpack, only for babies. After I had given birth, I quickly found myself dreading the witching hour each day. Remy would cry nonstop from 4-7 pm. Desperately seeking any advice that I could find, I turned to Instagram and asked other mothers what they did to soothe their fussy babies. All of them said to wear her. So I tried. I put her in the carrier, but she was so small and it just wasn’t a safe option. I gave up until a few days later when I borrowed my sister’s Moby Wrap. Remy was instantly calmed, and I mean instantly. She immediately fell asleep against my chest and so wearing her everyday just became our thing. Eventually, I had to give the wrap back to my sister. Now, I will own one for myself. After much research, I am choosing the Solly Baby Wrap.

You can see my baby wearing post here.

4. Reverie Threads Beanie in Black + White and Camel

I seem to be sensing a Camel theme happening. Colours aside, I really didn’t think to purchase any beanies or bonnets with our first baby. In fact, an entire section was devoted to not covering your newborn’s head during my prenatal class. I forget their reasoning, but I took it as putting a hat on your child was wrong. That was wrong. My sister ended up giving me a bin of girl clothes once Remy came into the world, and I noticed that she had a ton of beanies in it. Curious, I took a few out. After Remy’s bath one night, I put one on her while I was dressing her. It immediately warmed her up, and softened her cries. After that, she wore one every night after her bath until bedtime. Once again, I am making sure that we have a few of our own with this baby! (So far, I have purchased these two.)

Finally, today would have been my due date for our second baby. While being pregnant doesn’t take the pain away, it does give me something and someone to look forward to. Sweet Rowen, we will see you again someday.

<3<3

Emory

Hello, Followers:
Blog // Instagram // Pinterest // Twitter

by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 07/23/2018  •  Permalink
Posted in baby, wears, what i bought
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 07/23/2018

https://helloscarlettblog.com/2018/07/23/what-i-bought-baby/

they’re just things: decluttering my life and home

I had read a post on An Exacting Life in which she wrote about decluttering her kitchen drawer. The idea of getting rid of junk is a simple one- and yet, what it can do for a person runs much deeper than that.

After having my miscarriage in December, I felt like I needed a change. Physically, my husband and I got tattoos in honour of our child’s short life. But I needed something more than that. I craved an emotional alteration as well. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of my pregnancy. That hopefulness and anticipation of having a new life to care for. The freezer was full of healthy pregnancy foods. The basement had all of Remy’s old toys and clothes that were just waiting for someone to use them. I set up a little shrine in our bedroom commemorating our lost child. And so on. I decided to purge our house of things we had and no longer needed.

I began in the basement. While I’m not at all a materialistic person, I have a tendency to hold onto items that have a sentimental value. I also tend to take unwanted items from other, re-purpose them, and keep them, in order to give them a home. I hate to throw anything out, and yet, I decorate as a minimalist. My heart seems to be at odds with my sense of style. So, I brought up any furniture or baby items (mostly remnants from my store) that I was still holding on to, but not using. Then I gave them away.

My closet was next. I set aside only a few items that I would be taking to a consignment store, and the rest, I donated as well.

Lastly, I began to tackle our kitchen. I don’t just mean I got rid of items from our cabinets. I mean I physically removed our cabinets. Remodelling our kitchen has been on our “to do” list ever since we bought our home. I figured that this was as good a time as any to begin that transformation. So out with our old food went our cabinets. Stay tuned for the before and after next week!

Having this positive distraction was so beneficial. I was able to get out of my head for a few hours. Remy had fun watching and helping me move items around. I felt much lighter as pieces began to leave my life one by one. More importantly, they were given to a good cause. Even though this clearing out stemmed from a loss, nobody lost in this situation. If anything, we all gained something. I genuinely recommend it!

Emory

Hello, Followers:
Blog // Instagram // Pinterest // Twitter

by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 03/08/2018  •  Permalink
Posted in baby, new home
Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 03/08/2018

https://helloscarlettblog.com/2018/03/08/theyre-just-things/

rowen august kurysh

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there.” Psalm 34:18

This is an incredibly hard post to write and publish. Today was the day that we were going to reveal my pregnancy to friends and followers. I would have been nearly 18 weeks pregnant. The wait for this announcement was a full month and a half longer than in my first pregnancy. I guess I wanted to relish in only us knowing, and also because I didn’t really “feel” pregnant. My symptoms weren’t nearly as strong with this baby as they were with Remy. On top of that, I had two bad ultrasounds, multiple blood tests with poor results, and bleeding. All of which led to our baby eventually dying. I have to stay positive and believe that it happened for a reason. I also have hope that God will bless us with a third and healthy child that I will be able to carry to term. If I don’t trust in these things, the pain is too much to bear.

Here are two additional quotes that have brought me some comfort.

Do you have quotes or passages that you turn to for solace?

To my sweet Rowen, I’ll always love you.

Mama

Hello, Followers:
Blog // Instagram // Pinterest // Twitter

by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 02/15/2018  •  Permalink
Posted in baby
Tagged , , , , , ,

Posted by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 02/15/2018

https://helloscarlettblog.com/2018/02/15/rowen-august-kurysh/

i’m still here

Hey everyone. I wanted to check in since going silent last month.

I hope that you’ve been having a great year, as short as it’s been. January has been a bit rough for us- between my husband being gone for over four weeks, tragedies with his work, sicknesses in our household, and a general feeling of sadness that I just cannot shake. I normally do not complain on my blog, but rather, save my true feelings for Instagram. However, I thought screw it. It’s time to be honest, and stop being afraid of what people might think.

I had quite a few mothers reach out to me in my last post regarding my miscarriage. Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories, coping mechanisms, and more. I truly feel united to you all, and wish you nothing but the best. This is a safe space for those who would like to connect and tell their truths. I support everyone who wishes to do so, and will tolerate no hatred, bullies, or trolls. If the latter relates to you, your comments will not be approved nor read by me!

Looking back through my Instagram feed tonight, something struck me. I’ve noticed that since having Remy, my face has changed. I used to be a carefree, naive girl who jumped around from home to job. While the latter has not changed, I feel like I physically, mentally, and emotionally have. I’ve grown up, and as such, my appearance has matured. I no longer try to look happy and perfect in my photos, but rather, have a look of contentment and solemnity. I also seem to never look at the camera, but to focus on Remy instead. This is not forced, it is instinctive. It is motherhood.

A few weeks ago I set out to capture a few outfit photos. I used to regularly feature my outfit of the day, and I wanted to try bringing that back. After looking through the images, I saw someone I didn’t recognize. My eyes look sad, my hair is its natural dark, and my smile is contrived. The images were so raw that I considered not posting them. Then, relating back to my second paragraph, I knew that they needed to be published. This is me in pain. This is me carrying on during the day as if I didn’t lose my second child. This is me in my current state. This is me needing to change. I’m going to stop putting myself last in our family and take the time to put effort into how I think, feel, and look. I’m going to do selfish things that make me feel like a normal person again. I’m going to colour my hair, get my nails done, and return to the gym. I’m going to stop suppressing my emotions and instead let them out. I deserve these things. We all do. We shouldn’t deny ourselves of self-care. I have for 2 years now, and it’s going to stop. This death doesn’t signify an end. This is the start of something new.

What do you guys do for self-love? What brings you back to feeling normal?

Emory

Hello, Followers:
Blog // Instagram // Pinterest // Twitter

by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 01/25/2018  •  Permalink
Posted in baby, Photography
Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Posted by Hello, Scarlett Blog on 01/25/2018

https://helloscarlettblog.com/2018/01/25/im-still-here/

« Older Posts

  • Hello! My name is Emory. I am a wife, mother of four (three on earth in heaven). This is our life on the Canadian prairies.
    email: helloscarlettblog@outlook.com

  • Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 2,919 other subscribers
%d bloggers like this: