rowen august kurysh

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there.” Psalm 34:18

This is an incredibly hard post to write and publish. Today was the day that we were going to reveal my pregnancy to friends and followers. I would have been nearly 18 weeks pregnant. The wait for this announcement was a full month and a half longer than in my first pregnancy. I guess I wanted to relish in only us knowing, and also because I didn’t really “feel” pregnant. My symptoms weren’t nearly as strong with this baby as they were with Remy. On top of that, I had two bad ultrasounds, multiple blood tests with poor results, and bleeding. All of which led to our baby eventually dying. I have to stay positive and believe that it happened for a reason. I also have hope that God will bless us with a third and healthy child that I will be able to carry to term. If I don’t trust in these things, the pain is too much to bear.

Here are two additional quotes that have brought me some comfort.

Do you have quotes or passages that you turn to for solace?

To my sweet Rowen, I’ll always love you.

Mama

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i’m still here

Hey everyone. I wanted to check in since going silent last month.

I hope that you’ve been having a great year, as short as it’s been. January has been a bit rough for us- between my husband being gone, tragedies with his work, sicknesses in our household, and a general feeling of sadness that I just cannot shake. Ordinarily, I am not this candid on my blog. Rather, I tend to save my true feelings for Instagram. However, I thought screw it. It’s time to be honest, and stop being afraid of what people might think.

I had quite a few mothers reach out to me in my last post regarding my miscarriage. Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories, coping mechanisms, and more. I truly feel united to you all, and wish you nothing but the best. This is a safe space for those who would like to connect and tell their truths. I support everyone who wishes to do so, and will tolerate no hatred, bullies, or trolls. If the latter relates to you, your comments will not be approved nor read by me!

Looking back through my Instagram feed, I’ve noticed that since having Remy, my face has changed. I used to be a carefree and naive girl. Now, I feel like I physically, mentally, and emotionally am so different. I’ve grown up, and as such, my appearance has matured. I no longer try to look happy and perfect in my photos, but rather, have a look of contentment and solemnity. I also seem to never look at the camera, but to focus on Remy instead. This is not forced, it is instinctive. It is motherhood.

A few weeks ago I set out to capture a few outfit photos. I used to regularly feature my outfit of the day, and I wanted to try bringing that back. After looking through the images, I saw someone I didn’t recognize. My eyes look sad, my hair is its natural dark, and my smile is contrived. The images were so raw that I considered not posting them. Then, relating back to my second paragraph, I knew that they needed to be published. This is me in pain. This is me carrying on during the day as if I didn’t lose my second child. This is me in my current state. This is me needing to change. I’m going to stop putting myself last in our family and take the time to put effort into how I think, feel, and look. I’m going to do selfish things that make me feel like a normal person again. I’m going to colour my hair, get my nails done, and return to the gym. I’m going to stop suppressing my emotions and instead let them out. I deserve these things. We all do. We shouldn’t deny ourselves of self-care. I have for 2 years now, and it’s going to stop. This death doesn’t signify an end. This is the start of something new.

What do you guys do for self-love? What brings you back to feeling normal?

Emory

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merry christmas to all

What a difference a year can make. Last year on December 25, Remy turned 10 months old. She had just gotten her first two teeth, and that morning, had learned to crawl. We were so happy. This year, we are mourning the loss of our second child. I suffered a miscarriage this month, and it has left a deep void in our family. This picture was going to be on our Christmas card where we revealed to close friends and family our joyous secret. Now, it remains one of our only photos as a family of four.

Friends, I truly, truly wish you all nothing but the best in 2018. Enjoy spending time with your loved ones, and give your children an extra hug and kiss for me tonight. You are so blessed to have them.

I will be taking a short break from blogging. Merry Christmas, everyone.

All my love,

Emory

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maternity session in my home studio

Last month I had offered a free maternity session in our home. I wanted to see if our newest bedroom would make a good studio space. I ended up choosing this mother as my model because she seemed like such a kind soul. I was not only excited to photograph her, but was also excited because she was pregnant and was about to welcome a child into this world! Her son is very lucky and will be so loved. What a beautiful thing to witness.

To book a session, please visit Prudence + Me Photography.

Emory

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river maternity session

This mother-to-be was such a joy to work with. She radiated beauty and a quiet confidence, and it was evident just how excited she and her boyfriend were to become first-time parents. If I could have a maternity session every week like this one, I would be one happy mama.

These are just a few of those photographs. To book a session, please visit Prudence + Me Photography.

Emory

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  • Welcome, friends! My name is Emory. I am a wife, mother of two (one earthside and one with the angels), and an animal rescuer. This is our life on the Canadian prairies.
    email: helloscarlettblog@outlook.com

  • @omgkersh is leaving us today for another four weeks. Looks like it’s just you and me, kid. P.S. You’re a pretty fun partner, so I’m kind of ok with that. P.P.S. We decided yesterday to cover up these floors rather than trying to save them. So I will only grace you with their beautiful state for a few weeks longer. Remy’s favourite ramp in the entire city. Up and down everyday, all day. You did good, 620 Duchess Street.
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